Enter Stage Left

You've gotta love those moments in life when you realize that you could actually star in your own sitcom, especially when they are so good that you know you would be like #1 in the Nielsens. These happen fairly often in my life. My friends back in St. Louis (back in the days of grad school and no money) used to say that I should have the show that comes on after Seinfeld - kinda like the female version. They probably weren't all that far off.

Anyway, last night was a sitcom night. I went out to dinner with some friends, and as usual I was taking very seriously the choice of what to order. So seriously in fact, that I didn't realize until too late that I was holding the menu over the candle flame, leaving a large burn mark on the menu and essentially melting two of the pages together. And then, of course, there was the pleasant smell of burning plastic that has probably led to some sort of toxic brain damage or something, but I will let that go. Helmets can't protect you from everything, I guess.

Anyway, back to the ordering ordeal. So, I absolutely love the Black and Bleu Tuna salad at the restaurant where we were, but here's the clincher. They keep making it smaller and smaller EVERY time I go. It used to be a dinner salad, and it has shrunk to closer to side salad size. No big deal if the price shrunk as well, but it didn't. So I have a problem with this. And when I have a problem with something, I say something about it. I am a matter o' fact kinda gal that way.

So I sat the waiter down to have a little chat. And he is very nice and actually agreed. He gave me some inside info about how it depends on which chef is making the salad that night. He offered to request that the more generous salad chef construct my salad for the evening, and I accepted the offer. In fact, salads went all around at our table, and we all got in on the deal. We were very excited. One of us (who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent) actually ordered two meals because she was so swayed by the whole salad thing - how hilarious is that?

While waiting for our salads, we engaged in your typical, friendly dinner conversation. Now, others may tell you differently, but don't believe them. I will maintain that OUT OF NOWHERE, my whole soda glass sliiiiid across the table, off the edge, and tumbled into my lap. I have no idea how this happened because I am not lying when I tell you I didn't do it. Of course, this happened just as the waiter entered the scene from stage left, and he, like all of us, found this to be - shall we say - amusing. He tried to keep a straight face, but all hope was lost. What is really interesting (not to mention speaks to my incredible coordination and grace) is that I managed to catch the glass right-side-up in my lap - not a drop spilled. I am, as many of you know, a woman of many talents this way. The others at the table didn't appreciate this talent as much as I did, but they were probably just jealous.


Well, we moved past this moment and went on with our conversation. I enjoyed a bit more soda as we talked. So much, in fact, that I was ready for a refill. I thought to myself that I would ask for one when the waiter came back. But, it turned out I didn't need to. He apparently already noticed my drink deficiency and brought another for me - but with a twist. He decided to put it in a sippy cup of sorts. Very clever, Mr. Waiter, very clever. I actually had to give him that one - I wish I would have thought of it myself. I do appreciate a clever retort as much (probably more) than the next guy.

So, those are highlights from my evening last night. What makes the whole thing even funnier is that, after making such a big deal that I needed a bigger salad, I wasn't able to finish the whole thing. And the waiter noticed. And the waiter also noticed that two of us at the table (including the one who burned the menu, required a sippy cup for safe drinking, and advocated for a larger salad that she didn't even eat) are doctors. But as the First Officer said, "at least you're not a real doctor." Thanks, First Officer. Otherwise, they might revoke my license.