Not Feelin' the Love

It has been over 10 years since I have lived in my hometown of Lowville, NY. I haven’t lived near family since that time. Both of my parents live there, and now so does my older brother and his family (including his wife and two children, ages 8 and 5). And my older sister lives in Boston with her family (including her husband and two children, ages 5 and 18 months), but they were visiting over the Christmas holiday too, so we were all together.

While my niece and nephews know their Aunt Marsha, they don’t know me overly well. I see them one to two times per year most typically, and I talk to them intermittently in between. I write all of this as background to a funny story…

So I am eating dinner with my father and my brother’s family tonight. The kids are done and have gone in to finish watching the Peter Pan video that Santa brought one of them for Christmas. Out of the blue, my 8 year old nephew, Stefan, leaves the video while it is playing (you have to understand that this NEVER happens) and comes into the dining room again. He looks at me and asks, “Aunt Marsha, are you married?” I laughed and said something to indicate that I am not and didn’t he think he would have met my husband if I were? He laughed, too. I said I would make sure he is one of the first to meet my husband after I find him. He laughed again and said, “I betcha he’ll be really goofy, just like you.” I think he was setting me up for that all along. That kid is smart.

Later, I walked into one again. He looks at me and says, “You look like a teenager.” As a 32 year old woman who is beginning to feel my age set in, I was pretty flattered. But it didn’t last long. As we were playing Power Rangers pinball (and I was beating his high score after he made some snide comment about how he would take it easy on me because of the fact that I am a girl) he then said with a devilish smile, “It’s probably hard to see those pinball lights with your old lady eyes.”

I can’t wait to have some sweet little ones just like these!

Ponderings Through a Partial Foil

It’s rare that I find something in one of those women’s magazines that I think is worth quoting for anything more than entertainment value. You know - the ones you read when you are sitting at a beauty salon with foil all over your head waiting to get your next new look. Ah…highlights and a haircut…there is nothing like it to at least temporarily make you feel better about whatever crap is going on in your life. But I digress…

Yesterday, as I repeatedly pushed this one annoying piece of foil out of my line of sight, I found some pretty interesting stuff in one of these magazines. Of course I, being the astoundingly unobservant person I am when it comes to this stuff, can’t remember the name of the magazine. But I do remember some of what I read.

There was an article about getting your figure back after having a baby, and it was pretty interesting. Now, I don’t need that information at the moment, but I filed it away for potential future use.

Then I went to something really, really light – something about 55 ways to keep your love alive in long term relationships. Now, I usually completely ignore any article entitled “XX Ways To…” This policy has served me well most of my life, so I generally stick to it. But this time I had time to kill, and I had read and looked at everything else of interest, so I went there. The list was pretty tongue in cheek - some serious stuff and then some humorous stuff submitted by comedians or whatever.

For men, the one I liked was from the man who has the longest recorded marriage in history. What was his advice? To never underestimate the power of the words, “Yes, dear.” Sounds like a very, very wise man.

For women, there was one particularly funny one about not reserving blow jobs (hey, I am just the messenger here) for just birthdays and anniversaries. No big surprise there, but worth filing away for potential future use just the same :)

Most of all, though, I really liked some of the serious ones. As a single woman over 30, my thoughts about dating are less about just getting to know who I am and who others are in relationships and more about who I might like to be with long term. As everyone is aware, there is advice for this stuff everywhere you turn. I usually ignore it and just listen to my heart and the whispers of God into my heart. However, I did think the following two comments were truly words of wisdom and really not all that different from what God has been speaking to me on my journey.

Don’t pick the person you think you can live with; pick the individual you think you can’t live without. –Dr. James Dobson

Whatever you think about Dr. Dobson, this seems to be good advice. We get so caught up on the little things about the people we are interested in romatically. It can drive you crazy going back and forth on this stuff. “Can I see my life without this person?” seems much more important. It’s obviously not the whole story, but it’s a great starting place.

First, choose the one you love; then, love the one you choose.

I don’t remember who said this other than the fact that it was submitted by one of the magazine’s readers. I think it could not be any more true. Hold out for someone you are truly in love with; however, there will also be many times when you will each have to choose to keep that love alive. Choosing someone means committing to choose to love them. Not always easy, but a beautiful picture of the kind of love that Jesus talks about.

So, there you have it. Actual words of wisdom found in the pages of Cosmo or Elle or whatever it was - definitely an unexpected find. Of course, maybe none of this is at all interesting, and it was just the metallic foil interfering with my brain waves. You're done reading. You decide.

I Lift My Eyes Up

This has been a very hard couple of days. The enemy has found some wormholes, and the attack has been launched. Already injured hope now reels further. This enemy is relentless. His whispered lies are becoming more audible. I need the truth of God to drown them out.

I know what the master plan is here. I know that the enemy wants me to blame God for my circumstances. To lose hope. To turn to old patterns rather than to turn to Him for comfort and healing. Despite how hard it is, I am not hip to that plan.

So I just really tried to press into God last night and this morning before going to work. My prayer has been that I would feel Him close right now. I need to experience Him clearly. Something small. Something big. I will take anything. And through it, I will praise Him just for who He is. Pressing forward through pain is difficult but also truly amazing when God is with you on that journey.

And I have seen glimpses of Him today, even at work. A 5 year old boy at work really reflected the face of God today…so amazing.

I want to thank all of you who are praying for me. The battle has intensified, and I would like to ask for continued prayers. I know where my hope comes from, and I pray that it becomes strong once again despite my circumstances.

Blessed are those who trust in the LORD and have made the LORD their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank.
-Jeremiah 17:7-8

The Shopgirl's Choice

They say good things come in three's. Reading Courtney and Candyce's commentary on the recent GNO (aka Girls' Night Out) outing to see Shopgirl, a movie based on the novella by Steve Martin, has inspired me to post something I wrote while reflecting on the movie and life this weekend. So this one goes out to my fellow GNOers...boop boop.

I’m not a (shop) girl
I’m a woman

I know who I am
And I know my heart
The desires it hides
The feelings it holds

Something real
Something beautiful
Sometimes painful
Always patient

I gaze at a life that awakened me
Only glancing to other possibilities
Settling for the hope of love
But longing for love’s assurance

I face hurt now or hurt later
A choice that is hardly a choice
Yet it confronts my soul
It is mine to make

It was a beautiful dream
But it was only a dream
Reality sings a different melody
And I will soon have to listen

Is it time for the dream to die?
Strength may mean staying here
Or strength may mean moving on
To the hope of a new dream ahead

Tagged Again

I have been tagged again - this time by my sweet friend Candyce. At least it gives me something to blog to get the week started. So, live from my office where procrastination is running rampant...

7 things to do before I die:

1. Marry the man God has designated for me; cherish and nuture that marriage.
2. Raise a child or children with a love that demonstrates the love of Christ
3. Vacation - African safari
4. Vacation – Australia
   (note #s 3 and 4 preferably after #1 - wouldn't that be fun!)
5. Paragliding off a mountain range
6. Publish something nonscientific that I have written
7. Find new ways to bring God’s light into darkness
   

7 things I cannot do:

1. Surf
2. Touch my tongue to my nose
3. Ski
4. Make the Hydroseal call
5. Keep myself from laughing
6. Vomit (last time was when I was 19 – perhaps TMI)
7. Avoid drama

7 things that attract me to a guy:

1. Passion and dedication in the adventure of following Jesus, and a desire for me to share in that adventure with him (from the works of John and Stasi Eldredge, but definitely from my heart)
2. Strength of character and an appreciation for my...uh... strength of character :)
3. Sense of humor and an appreciation for my somewhat strange sense of humor :)
4. Intelligence (ain't necessarily lotsa schoolin')
5. Soccer/tennis body and general athleticism (oh come on, you know you have your physique ideals, too)
6. A willingness to pursue me (I am not going to make him jump through hoops or anything. I just need to be sure of his intentions.)
7. That feeling I get when he looks into my eyes (**long sigh**).
   
   

7 books/series I love (how to pick just 7?!!!):

1. Blue Like Jazz/Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller
2. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
3. Captivating/Wild At Heart by John/Stasi Eldredge
4. Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot
5. Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling
6. Naked by David Sedaris
7. Lord of the Flies by William Golding
   (The Bible stands on a list of it’s own…)
   
   

7 movies I would watch over and over again:

1. The Princess Bride
2. Sense and Sensibility/Jane Austen films in general
3. Four Weddings and a Funeral
4. Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind
5. When Harry Met Sally
6. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
7. Shopgirl (I think this might be on the list, but too soon to say for sure)